Communication and Connection

80% of total communication is non-verbal. This means that it happens without words, but instead through energy, body language, knowledge, and intuitive perception.
A part of connection is communication:

• Being connected is communication
• Communication is being connected

Communication is one of the non-verbal forms of communication that I use in my work. Think about that for a moment 😉.

Having No Attachment to the Outcome

To achieve good communication and connection, there must be an ability to empathize. In principle, everyone has this ability. But it's like a muscle—the more attention you give it, the stronger it becomes. Or, the more you dare to step aside, the clearer communication can and may become.

Interpretation is different from communication. To truly and sincerely communicate, you must have no personal attachment to the outcome. And that’s often where the difficulty lies. As humans, we frequently try to influence how fast and by which route our horse should reach its destination.

Setting a goal is wonderful and also very useful, but sometimes we need to adjust along the way. Taking a small detour before getting back onto the highway.

Practical Example

I have experienced the most beautiful and extraordinary moments through this kind of communication. For example, there was a horse with a serious problem! Her hock was ossified, and she was extremely lame. The owner received a communication session with her horse as a gift from a friend.

I was given a little background information beforehand about the issue, and I immediately felt stressed! What if I didn’t hear it correctly? What if my communication was the reason this horse would later be put to sleep...?

When I established contact with the owner, I wanted to learn some things about the horse to understand how she communicates, who I was dealing with, and whether I had the right horse "on the line."
My first question to her (the horse) was: "How old are you?"
She said, "Twelve," but that wasn’t correct!
Uh… sorry? Well, I passed this on to the owner, and she started laughing. "That’s absolutely right! She’s actually 13, but I keep making that mistake..."
Ah, great! Now I knew who I was dealing with!

Because this horse knew that I wasn’t comfortable making a statement about her life, she avoided the subject. We had a wonderful communication, and although the owner was happy with it, something didn’t sit right with me. I hadn’t given an answer to the pressing question of whether she wanted to continue living with this pain.

Two days later, as I was waking up, she (the horse) said: "Tell her she made the right decision!"
I didn’t know what this was about, but I passed it on to the owner... She came back to me and said: "I’ve made a decision about her life—I’m going to put her to sleep because the pain is getting worse!"

Moments like these give you goosebumps! The horse provided the much-needed confirmation.

This beautiful horse didn’t force anyone to make a decision. She remained in control and knew exactly what she wanted and how she wanted it. At the right moment, she was able to express her wishes—without making anyone feel guilty! How loving ❤️!

Giving Space Creates Connection

This way of communicating, sensing, and intuitively feeling is something we use daily with our own horses—while riding, in everyday interactions, in everything really. The more we "step aside," the more connection we create, the more communication without words, the more we can sense and feel.

Our bodies do this automatically, without us having to think about it. While riding, this (non-verbal communication) is the most significant factor. Your body on your horse’s body. You don’t talk your horse through the training—you move your body so that your horse does what is needed. That is also non-verbal communication.

Be Aware of Your Actions and Communication

This is where my passion lies—the question of: How can you become so aware of your actions that your horse understands you better, and you both get the most out of your partnership, work, task, or competition?

It can be as simple as relaxing your diaphragm or taking a deep, relaxed breath! Your horse’s movement can change completely when you consciously relax or tense your body, release tension, or give space.

Giving and Allowing

We are often taught from a young age that we must "control" the horse. Well, good luck with that! Yes, some horses allow it, but most do not.

I often work with horses that are so sensitive that they seem stubborn or even dangerous. The moment you help the rider open a certain awareness, the horse can start to relax. The horse immediately feels that they have you "on the line"—that there is an opening for them to step into the dance.

This can be as simple as becoming aware of a certain muscle tension and then letting it go. Allowing instead of demanding, giving instead of forcing. It can be so beautiful—and so simple.

Riding with Your Heart

The dance between horse and rider then becomes a truly connected dance—a movement together, where the horse can take the next position. But if you are dancing with a partner who keeps stepping on your toes, you will become tense. You might even start walking on your toes—anything to avoid the pain, right?

For a horse, it doesn’t even have to start with pain. Insecure horses need to be heard, seen, and guided much earlier. But with calmness, sensitivity, and understanding. Above all, with empathetic awareness! Of course, this applies to all types of horses.

As soon as you, as a rider, start riding with your heart, you will feel it! You will truly feel what your horse needs.